If I close my eyes, I can still see. I see with the sharpest of precision the person that I am inside; with all of the elements both good and bad that make me who I am. This person is who I am, and who I will be no matter what my vessell looks like.
If I picture my body as a real vessell such as a ship, I would want to have the best ship possible to carry me through both the smooth sailing and the rough currents that my journey through this life would take me. I don't need to have a luxurious yacht or a superliner. I would choose to have a sturdy vessell which could carry me as long as possible.
The neglect I have subjected myself to for over 30 years is astounding. Many skipped meals combined with many meals where I have over-indulged have wrecklessly damaged my vessell. Also, the countless times where I sought to sooth myself with food have only truly been times of self-abuse, and have also damaged my ship.
I have not cared for my myself - the self that I see inside.
I have not cared for my vessell - my shelter of my soul.
No matter what lengths I may now go to in order to repair my vessell, I have to remember that I also need to keep an eye on the soul that it carries. A body is a shell. If the inner core is damaged, it too needs tending.
I will repair my vessell and also the soul that sails within it.
I am dedicated to getting the most out of this journey.
This is the song that my soul often sings. The lyrics are below.
On the floating, shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.
And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;
Let me enfold you."
Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail?
Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken lovelorn on your rocks.
For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I lie with death my bride?
Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."
I am so glad to have found you again! I've worried about you over these past months, and I am so glad that you are back on track to getting healthy. Whatever methods you need to use to get the weight off (and keep it off!) - I say 'bring it on'.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an inspiration to me and all I want is the best for you. You helped me so much - I finally did reach my goal last December after 15 months on WW - shed 122 pounds - and I gotta say - you get alot of credit for helping me stay on track.
I still struggle sometimes....probably always will - that is the nature of the beast I guess. Now that I know where you are again, I will be on the sidelines, rooting for you - to get healthy, and get pregnant!
Heather