Q & A

Ok, in a humorous attempt to bolster my inner HAG (my Hidden-Assertive-Goddess); (I'm a marshmallow, a people-pleaser at heart, so I don't "do" assertive too well although I'm trying to improve I promise)...  I have come up with a list of Q & A for myself.  This way I can pull open this blog entry when in need of a response based on the situation.  Again, any suggestions or comments are more than welcome.

Q-  "When are you two going to have a baby?"
A-  "When people stop asking."

Q-  "You've been married now for long enough.  Time to get at it, don't you think?"
A-  "Yes, the three years we've been married feels like a lifetime. Especially when we have to deal with family members like yourself at occasions like these."

Q- "My Goodness - you two aren't getting any younger.  Have you thought about having kids?"
A-  "Oh yes.  We'd also like to have a 7 bedroom mansion, 2 corvettes, and a petting barn."

Q- "So do you two have any news????"
A-  "Well, according to Anderson Cooper things aren't going so hot in Syria right now."

Q-  "Is that a baby bump I see?"
A-  "No, but here's my fist..."

Q-  "You might want to start trying soon, given your age.  Are you planning to try?"
A-  "Isn't age a funny thing?  Yes, I'm approaching 40, but I look a good ten years younger.  Funny how some of us manage to avoid shriveling up like dried prunes, and some of us -like yourself- can't age with any sort of grace or dignity."

Q-  "You know how desperately your parents want to be grandparents.  You're not planning on disappointing them, are you?"
A - "Well, it would be more disappointing for them to have to bail me out of the prison after I bash in your skull with a shovel and leave your raggedy-ass carcass in the hot desert for the vultures to feast on..."
(ok, so that's a bit of a stretch...)

I, of course, used Google to search what advice was out there for people like us.  The best advice I have found is that Hubby and I need to decide together on what sort of responses we will give, and what questions we simply will not tolerate.  We will do this on the way out of town today.

I also read that it is perfectly acceptable to ditch a conversation if you feel that it is starting to bother you immensely, and excuse yourself for some fresh air or quality time in the loo.  I think I'll come up with a signal to give Hubby so that he'll know if I end up bailing on him that A) I'm ok, and B) I'll be back.  Hmmm... I could chose a random body motion such as an eye to wink, however he just might miss that given his lack of ability to locate the bright shiny new bottle of ketchup in the front of the top shelf of the fridge.

I've got it...  I'll use a codeword.  One that will make him understand that I just need an escape from the nosy parker who is invading our privacy.  One that assures him that I love him dearly and I'll be ok but I just need a self-imposed time-out.  One that I can delicately slip to him in his ear that will be our little secret....

"Shovel."  ... It's perfect! ....

Not only does it explain to him why I'm leaving.... it also lets him in on my plan and informs him of what I've gone to get...

Guess Who Came For Supper?

(george)

God I hate that effing man.

Oh well, at least I know. At least now I can go out and spend even more money on testing strips for the monitor for another month on the carousel.  I can now book an appointment for my Doctor for god only knows what tests, and get myself on a god-only-knows-how-long waitlist to see a specialist.  And, although no-one will have any clue how devestatingly heartbroken I am... I guess if I do knock anyone to the floor at the wedding who dares ask why we aren't pregnant, if we are planning on having kids, or when we are going to start trying-  at least I'll probably get off with insanity.

I have never known anything as frustrating as this process, and trust me - I've had my share of frustration and "ups and downs".  The worst thing is that there is virtually no support.  Sure, I'm on a couple of websites for people trying to conceive, but let me tell you that when you are forming bonds with others who share in your plight... after a while as the others start to come back with posts of their big fat positive results, it can get to you a little.

Ok, vent over.  I'll get there someday.  Or I'll knit myself a kid (ok, so first I'd have to learn how to knit).  If only I had kept that Cabbage Patch Doll...

One last thing.  I'm going to need to arm myself for battle.  If ANY of you out there have any suggestions on how to politely and effectively respond to the prying questions of family members at this weekend's wedding, please send me any suggestions...  I thought briefly of making a pin that reads: "1.NO we aren't pregnant yet, 2. YES we desperately want kids, and 3. Actually we are a bit heartbroken about it all so could you please please please shut the eff up???"

<insert sigh here>

Hurry Up and Wait

Guess who is pregnant???

Nope, not me, not at least that I know of yet... but one of my favourite singers: Adele.
In my next life I'm coming back as a backup singer for her...


Adele, if you're reading this, congrats my dear!  I won't lie, I'm totally jealous, but I'm looking forward to your Nursery Album release party.  Oh yes, I would be honored to attend your baby shower!  Any chance you need a mural painted in your nursery (or a backup singer)?  Have your people call my people and we will make plans...

So... today, July 2, is day 32 of my cycle.  Gulp.  My average cycle length is 29 days.

Symptoms?  Well, seeing as you asked...

• tender breasts
• fatigue... as in extreme fatigue... like I could nap all night and all day
• headaches every now and again
• funky abdominal twinges and very minor occasional discomfort
• nausea
• weird aversion to food texture - brand new
• irritability; although this seems to have settled just a smidgeon

And, of course, George has not knocked on the door.  I stuck my head out the window, but I don't even see him coming down the street...

I know that those symptoms could mean that I'm in a motherly way, OR that they could mostly be due to the pending arrival of George.  Told you he was a mother-effer.

So, the only news is that I now have a really weird and freakish aversion to food based on texture, which I have never had before.  For example, yesterday I actually had to spit out a forkful of lemon mirengue pie because the consistency of the mirengue was making me sick to look at.  I can assure you that I have never in my life found myself having any thoughts about the texture of food, let alone an aversion to it... and I likewise have certainly never spit out a bit of pie.  The look on Hubby's face was pretty much priceless...

I have a hard time swallowing anything that I'm eating.  If I think about the food too much, it's like my body is sending me the signals to upchuck it back up.  I can only eat a little before this kicks in, which means that for the most part I'm unable to finish a meal now.

I'm sitting here with the burning urge to pee again.  Oh yes - add that to the list.  Frequent peeing.  Just call me Seabiscuit.  While this could be due to pregnancy, it can also be due to the fact that I'm focusing on staying hydrated even more than usual.

I'm also sitting here with the burning urge to google more baby names or read more stories of people who have actually been pregnant with 2 negative tests done at home... BUT... I'm giving myself a break.  After all, I don't want to dwell in the land of stress!

The fact is, George will either show or not.  Either way, I have to book an appointment with my Doctor to either confirm these rumors OR seek medical assistance if I am not pregnant.  It has been 6 months now, and with my "advanced maternal age" of 39, it's time to get this show on the road if it isn't already.

So, with that, I'm going to have a nice shower and retreat to my freshly-laundered bed. I've also had the strong urge to do housework,  however that may be due to the fact that the housework is long overdue...

I will keep you posted.