Weightless

There is danger with placing the emphasis on weight loss solely on the weight that is lost. 

Since surgery, my body has been changing at a very fast pace.  Aside from my shape, I'm noticing that my stamina has increased dramatically.  We live in a 3-story townhouse, and pre-surgery I detested the stairs.  Honestly - if I was on the 2nd story and realized that I had left something on the 3rd floor, it was more often than not likely to remain on the 3rd floor until I had to go up there.  Moving around at 414lbs was not fun by any means, as you can probably imagine.

Yesterday I surprised my Hubby.  See, Hubby does all of the laundry in our house - he calls it a fair trade to not have to do the bathrooms hahaha!  Yesterday on the way out the door, he brought our laundry down the 2 flights of stairs so that he could get at it when he got home in the evening.  Well, I woke up so full of energy that I looked for something to do that did not involve our comfy recliner.  I did a little light housework and then hopped down the stairs and started in on the laundry.  Hubby returned home to not only 5 loads of laundry done, but a wonderful meal of steak and veggies for his supper.  I even made a lemon sponge cake for dessert which he didn't touch (he is really working at trying to decipher when he is "full", and he is doing great! My supper meal consisted of 50 grams of diced chicken with a little (1tsp) spinach dip on the side.  I could not eat all of it so I gladly stored the leftovers.  At the end of the meal, we each had enough left for another meal.  By the way - one of the after-effects of a VSG means a fridge full of left-overs and partial meals.  I'm saving a fortune here people!!

Anyhow - I wanted to talk about weight.  Even though I've just had surgery to lose weight, I have to say that the biggest motivator is not the scales - it is how GOOD I feel.  I can go up the stairs now without even thinking about it.  One day last week I walked through two malls with my Mom in the same day.  The last time I can remember doing that was in Junior High School (25 years ago...).  I didn't even realize that I had done that until we got home. 

There is danger with placing the emphasis on weight loss solely on the weight that is lost.  There - I've said it again because it bears repeating.

See, if I measure my success only by the numbers on the scale, I would not get the full picture of my journey.  Yes, I've lost 30 pounds.  BUT, I've gained the ability to move much better.  To climb stairs without hesitating or bemoaning their existence.  To walk more than I had in 2.5 decades.  To fit into smaller clothing.  To feel vibrant, full of energy, and capable of just about anything. 

I have met more than a few people on this journey who are addicted to the scales.  Some of my "sleeve sisters" weigh every day.  Some even weigh multiple times a day.  And for what?  To watch the weight fall off in decimals?  To beat themselves up when there is a stall?  To give themselves a reason to wonder what they are doing wrong??  This frustrates me to no end, because I'm just as guilty.  During my time at WW, I learned to detest the weekly weigh-in.  There was just so much pressure that I put on myself every week.  Would I lose "enough"?  Would I be good "enough"?  I have decided to only weigh at clinical appointments so that I can avoid the same torture on a routine basis.

I have often wished that I could be weightless.  Seeing as I'm not an astronaut, the only place that I can achieve weightlessness is in the pool which I LOVE.  There is no way to ignore my weight on this journey, but I am going to actively refuse to beat myself up or try to measure my progress against anyone else. 

Fact is - I feel better, I move better, I look better, and I'm living better.

Sarah McLachlan pretty much sums up how I feel in her song Angel:

"There's always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it's hard, at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless,
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight."
You can listen to it by playing the video below: