Limbo

I've been as busy as a beaver lately with work and life and just stuff in general.  What is new?  Well, no pregnancy yet.  And I survived the family wedding without ending up in the slammer (or evading capture). 

Yet, I feel like I'm in limbo.
Even though I'm busy, I feel stuck.

I haven't been taking care of myself as I should.  In fact, even worse - I've been knowingly neglecting myself and sitting back watching it all happen.  Witnessing it first hand, feeling miserable, and yet seemingly incapable of initiating change.

I think I kind of fooled myself into thinking that by going through the preliminary steps of the planning stages of bariatric surgery that I was actually doing something for myself.

Sure, I'm still planning on having the surgery.  But why have I settled back into the OLD routine of not watching what I'm eating, or worse; watching myself eat something I really know that I should not eat??  And to make matters even more desperate, I've become aware that I'm eating sometimes when I'm not even truly hungry (gasp!).

Oh my.  Rome wasn't built in a day, but it seems that it is terrifyingly possible to dismantle a city overnight.

I need to do something.  I might not have control over some of the things that are happening in my life right now, such as waiting for the stork to leave us a present or getting the call about surgery.   But I DO have control over how I live my life in the meanwhile. 

It's time to get to business here.  I need to feel better.  That won't come from eating crap.  It just won't.

I need to start feeling better.  To eat things that I like (which include veggies, fruit, and believe it or not healthier food!). 

I need to regain control of my health, my nutrition, and my self.

I'm sick of this limbo, besides... I fear I have set my pole too low and I need to raise the bar.  I'd rather be trying to achieve something than sitting around and waiting for something to happen.

Here's to a better tomorrow...