I Have A Drinking Problem

Do you know the feeling of trying to keep everything together when really underneath it is all falling apart at the seams?

After my last scope, I vigorously tried to appear fine.  When asked how I was feeling, I found myself using words such as "great", "grand", "fabulous", and even "never been better" - ok so I just inwardly shuddered as I typed that one.

Truth is I was anything but.  Again, bites of food became minefields (not to be gross here, but lets just say I must have been a seagull in a former life based on the amount of regurgitation I had). Then even sips of water became excruciating.  Eventually I couldn't keep my saliva down.

So, I am writing this not even 24 hours after being discharged again from the hospital.  I had been in since the 13th.  This time 'round, the hospitalization was scarier for me than the 2 previous ones.  I had no clue I was heading to hospital.  That day I had gone to work as usual and went to my family Dr. on my lunch break just try to change the meds that the hospital gave me the week before as they were making me tired.  She asked me how I was feeling, and I mustered a simple "ok".  Somehow she saw that I had uttered a great mistruth.  I was feeling exhausted, empty, drained. She looked at me and told me to go home, predicting I was heading to emerg within 24 hours. She said I was dehydrated and that I needed to stop pretending I was fine. I asked her if I could go back and finish the rest of my shift to which she said "go home".  Home I went, feeling pretty low.

I called my bariatric team once home.  The team consists of a Nurse Practitioner, a Dietitian, and my Bariatric surgeon (who is on sabbatical til October).  After a quick chat with me honestly answering questions about how many cals I was getting in a day (struggling to hit 500), how much fluid I was getting in a day (struggling to hit a litre), how I was feeling (like I had been hit by a train), activity level (I had not even been on my glorious new bike for weeks for fear of blacking out) - I was told to report to Emerg STAT.

I was admitted under a general surgeon who didn't quite know what to do with me.  I had the requisite swallow test (which was my third one since surgery, and I would prefer not to have to have another one e-v-e-r!). It showed that everything from my esophagus through my sleeve is narrow; but then again I have a sheepish sleeve anyhow. It also showed pretty significant reflux - in fact, the nice Dr. who performed the test advised me with great concern to make sure NEVER EVER to eat or drink while lying on my right side. Um, ok. Even better diagnosis: I have no cats wandering about my sleeve (cat scan was clear).

Once again my family and I did the dance.  The one where we are glad I'm admitted and getting checked out, but also equally scared that I'd be sent home without answers.

Well, I've been admitted and checked out.  The reflux is a problem.  I have an appointment next week with another bariatric surgeon to discuss this, and the Nurse Practitioner told me to prepare myself for a discussion about a revision to a RNY (which they don't do here unless the sleeve is not working, and excessive reflux 8 months out gets me a ticket to that horror show). Thankfully there is nothing more sinister lurking - my sleeve is working, although everything is narrow.  The Nurse Practitioner and Dietitian also suspect that the underlying food allergy theory may be wreaking havok.

So... this morning I'm headed off in search of alternative help.  They recommended a local Dr. who is a naturopath, immunologist, and allergist.  She's fitting me in.  From what I've read she uses everything and anything between spoons, animal horns, and cups.  At this point I would do naked hot yoga on rocks and eat upside down if I could.

I'm back to a clear fluid diet meaning I have pretty much 0 energy. I'm also returning to my family Dr. this afternoon to discuss such fun things as when I can go back to work (next week please?!? I love my job!), and can I take the little vacation that Hubby and I have in 2 weeks to celebrate our anniversary (yes please I'll be a good girlie!).
Fingers crossed on both fronts, but we'll see.

Anyhow, there it is.  Goes to show that you can't base your success on the numbers.  Even with my successful weight loss and the drastic change in my body's measurements, I am incredibly unhealthy right now.

Fingers crossed for some answers at both appointments. 

I will keep you posted (unless I can't type because I'm sitting krishna-style on hot rocks and holding buffalo horns full of sacred herbs in my hands)...

Oh yeah - and as for the title of the post, a few nights ago I asked my league of visitors (some bariatric pals and a few coworkers) what I should say when people ask what is wrong this time.  Given that I'm now on clear fluids and desperately sipping the day away trying to get those blessed 2 litres in, it came to me: I have a drinking problem.

XO from a drained HP