Full Fluids: I came, I saw, I flushed...

This is the eve of my last day of fluids, and I have absolutely enjoyed the past 2 weeks.  I enjoyed the freedom of creativity with regards to mixing smoothies, and had a blast coming up with interesting flavours.  I had a clinical session at the hospital this past week, and I've done terrific (at least 18lbs gone by 11 days in)!  It was the first time in my life that a dietician has actually been impressed.  Who would'a thunk it??

I'm in the home stretch now - counting down the days before I pack my bags and head down south next week.  I'm looking forward to getting to the sunshine, and I'm especially looking forward to visiting some of my favourite restaurants - with a plan for continued success of course.  I'm actually going to be packing my magic bullet blender and protein powder in my bags so that I can have at least one shake or smoothie a day.  Even though the fluid restriction will have ended, I'm going to keep tracking my calories, intake, and protein so that I can keep myself in a state of preparation for changing my life.

The one negative thing about the fluids is that when your diet is based on fluid, you end up using the washroom a lot more frequently.  The first couple of nights it was not unusual for me to have to get up during the night four or five times to use the washroom.  Oh well - at least I wasn't up with indigestion from cramming too much junk into my gut! 

Speaking of indigestion, I haven't had so much as a single solitary Tum or Rolaid since this started.  I'm going to stick with water and not return to diet pop.

I learned this week that big changes start with little steps, so I'm hoping to at least be able to remember to take those little steps everyday.  This liquid phase is only part of the preparation for surgery, and not a diet that can be maintained long-term.  But it feels real good to have gotten this far and done so well. 

Maybe, just maybe, I'll make it this time.  Just imagine the possiblities!  For now I'll keep loving myself enough to watch what I'm eating, and make sure that I'm getting the basic nutritional needs in every day.   I'll track, count calories and protein, and eat 3 meals a day.  And I'll keep thinking positive and focus on the fact that my life can truly change - if I have the courage to let it!

Cold Turkey

This marks day 8 of the fluids, and I'm chugging along best kind (no pun intended!).

I have my clinical appointment this coming week and am very interested in what else I will learn about the procedure (vertical sleeve gastrectomy). 

My body has responded very well to the fluids.  I've enjoyed making different smoothies and soups - made a killer curry peach soup tonight with a few modifications for calories and fat.  It was the best soup I've ever had - and I made it! 

It has been a learning experience for sure - and I have realized how wrong my previous eating habits were.  The mindless eating has been a major pitfall for me. I realize now that I didn't really focus for much of my life on when I ate, what I ate... and how much of it I ate.  I've realized this week too that I tend to want to eat when I'm bored. 

My emotional attachment to food will not be something I can likely quit cold-turkey (again no pun intended).  But having had such strict guidelines this past week has made me see exactly what would have triggered me to grab something and stick it in my mouth.  Thank god for gum, because I think I seriously would have had to invest in a pacifier. 

My body feels different.  My dear Hubby can feel a difference when he puts his arms around me, and I can feel it too!  I have had tonnes of energy, I've felt full after a meal (even just a bowl of oatmeal or soup), and I haven't had any reflux or had to take as much as a Tum or Rolaid.  Even better, I crave things like soup and smoothies now, so that makes all of this so much easier.

I admit though I'm looking forward to chewing on something solid next week!   You know it's bad when you find yourself staring at The Dog with envy as she chews on a dehydrated piece of the business end of a bull...

Full Fluid Update

Well, I've just finished Day 5 of this 2 week fluid trial meaning that I'm over 30% of the way to the finish line.

I have to say this has not been tough.  Waaaayyyy back in High School, the first dietitian I met encouraged me to follow a meal plan which was low in calories, low in fat, low in carbs... (and I believed low in taste!).   As soon as I saw Day 1's breakfast of one poached egg and 1 slice of whole wheat toast, I knew it just wouldn't work.

 You know the awkward phrase uttered often at the end of a relationship:  "it's not you, it's me"?  Well, it was totally me and my fear of eating a whole new way.  Maybe it's my age, my outlook, or the severity of my age combined with my desire to produce offspring -or all of these factors combined - but I'm not afraid of a new approach now.  A new approach is definitely needed after all.

I'm enjoying making things with the protein powder, and I can get pretty creative in the kitchen.  One of my coworkers thought I was drinking a fancy frozen mocha-something-or-other from Starbucks today.  Little did they know!  The protein powder definitely makes me feel full, and helps eliminate cravings.  I no longer mindlessly eat, that's for sure!  My approach has consisted of 2 protein shakes or smoothies a day, soup, oatmeal that has been thinned out, and 2 sugar free snacks a day.  I'm really looking forward to being able to eat fruits and veggies again!

Here are my stats so far:
Day 1: 874 Calories, 12 Grams of Fat, 84 Grams of Protein
Day 2: 1024 Calories, 12 Grams of Fat, 94 Grams of Protein
Day 3: 898 Calories, 13 Grams of Fat, 88 Grams of Protein
Day 4: 990 Calories, 18 Grams of Fat, 86 Grams of Protein
Day 5: 1097 Calories, 19 Grams of Fat, 94 Grams of Protein

One interesting thing is that I will not know how much weight I have lost.  Even though I'm coming at this guns a'blazing, I fully recognize that I put too much "weight" into the results of the scale, and not at the "bigger" picture.  The medical team will track my weight in clinical visits and follow-ups.  I'm fully comfortable leaving this in their capable hands, because I know that I am just one of those people that risk failure by frequent weighing and self-abuse if God forbid the scales don't show my efforts.

I haven't had hunger (except for day 2 when I didn't realize that I should have had my second smoothie earlier than after-supper; which led to some pretty incredible cravings).  I also haven't had the urge to cheat not one bit, and have easily bypassed things such as birthday cake, chicken and chips, fish and chips, and hot turkey sandwiches.   I have eaten out 3 times for different family functions and have stuck with soup - glorious soup!  And I'm loving it!

I have my first clinical appointment next week, and I'm really looking forward to knowing more about this all.  I'll have to learn quickly and add some more healthy elements in, because the week after that I'm on vacation!

Hatred and Ignorance

I'm angry. There's no need to sugar coat it, or pretend that I'm not.

I'm angry that there are so many misconceptions about obesity - not to mention size acceptance in general.

What in the world makes it acceptable to treat someone in society as if they belong in a lower class of humans? When did we start allowing the circumference of ones waist to be the deciding factor of their merit as a human being?

I have heard many stories lately of intolerance, injustice, and plain cruelty.

When you allow yourself to hold hatred for someone, you are really losing the opportunity to grow as a person.

How many obese people have suffered at the hands of strangers, wether it be at the hands of their stares, glares,or unwelcome comments? How many of us encounter that behavior every day?

Even worse still, how many of us go home and look in the mirror with the same hatred of ourselves? How many of us show ignorance to our own selves by putting ourselves down just like those nasty strangers that we inevitably encounter?

Bash me all you want.
What matters is that today,starting right now,I will no longer bash myself on your behalf.

For that is the ultimate display of hatred and ignorance.

"We All Need A Bit Of The Truth Now And Then"

To the anonymous (go figure) person who wrote this post on my last blog entry:

"It is offensive to me that you liken your obesity to cancer. Cancer strikes without warning, often through not fault of the person. Obesity however is brought on by the actions of the person.

We do not choose cancer, we do however choose what we put in our mouths.

I also can assure you that there is no such thing as a healthy obese person. That is in itself an oxy-moron. Health and obesity do not go together.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but it's the truth it's not ment to hurt.  We all need a bit of the truth now and then."

First of all, I do apologize that you find yourself offended.  However, this is MY blog, MY own portrayal of MY journey.  It contains MY opinions on how it feels to live in MY shoes.  I do not write to offend (or at least I didn't until today).  I apologize to you, dear "anonymous", even though you either clearly did not read my blog post - or you can't understand english.  Either way, I encourage you to try one or the other - then think about what you said - and then see if you would still write the same comment.  (Don't bother updating me, I'm not holding my breath.)

See, your viewpoint is precisely the same one that I've encountered my whole life.  You judge my writing without obviously having read it, just like you likely would judge me physically without getting to know me.  I doubt that you know the burden of obesity, but if you do - you are incredibly ill-informed and I encourage you to learn more.

Let me lay this out plain and simple for you, because I'm thinking that you need it to be plain and simple.

1. I never compared my obesity to cancer.  My point was that I (like many others) have sadly taken a diagnosis of obesity with a grain of salt, yet I would fight a diagnosis such as cancer with every fibre of my being. 

2. Cancer does OFTEN strike without warning, however certain diseases (ironically enough, such as obesity) can increase the chances of certain types.

3.  As for cancer being the fault of the person... well, unless you're a complete idiot then you are just misguided.  No, no one deserves to get cancer.  But some people (like smokers, sun-worshippers, or - ironically again - obese people - are knowingly at higher risk; yet they still continue to indulge).  And I'm lumping myself in that group, just so you know.

4.  Obesity is not always caused by the actions of the person.  I'm not sure what cave you crawled out of (and clearly this time around, I don't really care if I offend you just in case you missed the sarcasm that is dripping from my fingers as I type), but some people have battled things like genetic makeup, medications, metabolic issues, and other diseases that can have a negative impact on their weight.

5.  Likewise, no - we do not all choose cancer - but for some people battling obesity is so much more than just battling what we put in our mouths.  I don't know a soul on this planet who would knowingly choose to fight a food addiction either.

6.  As for what you can assure me regarding health and obesity, let's just say I'm willing to bet it is less than educated or medically sound.  Of course there are many obese people who suffer comorbidities such as diabetes and high blood-pressure, but let me tell you that there are obese people who are clinically healthier than those with lower BMIs.   For what it is worth I can assure you that despite my weight, I appear to be much healthier than the majority of the average-sized  (or even thin) people that my GP sees.  I'm not gloating - I desperately want to change... but I will most definitely do so without the benefits of whatever "knowledge" you have.  If you want to get into a pissing contest regarding the comparative medical health of the obese versus the non-obese, email me your latest blood work results and we can compare notes.

Last but not least, I am sorry if this sounds harsh - but as you said "we all need a bit of the truth now and then."  I really don't know if you are just a poorly informed creature, if you just popped down to earth from the mother ship, or if you just mistook my words - but I have enough on my mind these days without worrying about you.

PS... Please, I beg you - before you comment on anything else - at least make an attempt to read what it is that you decide to comment about. 

That is all.

Critical Illness

Cancer sucks.  There's no way around it.  It makes people suffer an often horrific end, and robs people of family members and friends every day who succumb to it.   There's no cure, but there are treatment options which may lead to one being ultimately cancer-free.

Obesity sucks.  It just does.  It makes people suffer an often horrific end, and robs people of family members and friends every day who succumb to it.  There's no cure, but there are treatment options which may lead to one being ultimately classified as non-obese.

I had a lightbulb moment as I woke up this morning.  What if instead of just being classified as "super obese", I was told I had cancer??   Wouldn't I evaluate every treatment option, and chose to fight for my life with every fibre of my body instead of letting the cancer ravage my body and take my life?  Yuuuup...

See, I believe I actually have TOTEL's carcinoma.  Don't bother "googling" it - I made it up, but TOTEL for me stands for Too Obese To Enjoy Life.

Let's no kid ourselves here.  Obesity is a critical illness.  According to www.reference.md, a critical illness is "A disease or state in which death is possible or imminent." 

Obesity has co-morbidities including:

• Cardiometabolic syndrome - a "constellation of maladaptive cardiovascular, renal, metabolic, prothrombotic, and inflammatory abnormalities".  I didn't know about this until I "googled" it, and I'm shocked.  If you are brave check this out:  http://www.doctorq.ca/CardioMetabolic-Syndrome.html.  This passage jumped out at me: "Fat in the Abdomen is dangerous. It acts like an independent organ that makes chemicals that accelerate many problems. This is what I call the Cardio Metabolic Soup - the collection of chemicals that abdominal fat pours out that worsens blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, and so on." 
• Type 2 diabetes
• Hypertension
• Dyslipidemia (high cholesterol)
• Coronary heart disease
• Osteoarthritis
• Stroke
• Gall bladder disease
• Obstructive sleep apnea
• Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD)
• Some cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)

If you're like me you've probably heard most of that before, and it sort of just bounced off into never never-land like water off a duck's back. 

Not any more.

If I did have cancer, I would choose treatment.  I would actively pursue the best Doctor that I could, and I would fight with every fibre in my body.  I would not want to sit back and let it take me if I could do something about it.   I have things I want to do in life.  I'm not done.

By neglecting my nutrition, ignoring my weight and BMI, and avoiding physical activity, I have been choosing to sit back and let this take me.

I know that there are happy and healthy obese people out there... I'm just not one of them anymore.

Full Fluid Diet (gasp!)

Nothing instills fear into most people than the thought of going on a strict diet... actually, come to think of it I'm surprised that Alfred Hitchcock didn't think of that as a plot of A VERY SCARY MOVIE!  Move over flocks of crows and neurotic murderous sons... the full fluid diet has come to wreak havok and intstill terror into the heart of this hotty-in-training.

Actually, it doesn't seem all that bad.
(At least, buying the stuff that I need to start the diet tomorrow didn't hurt that much.)

In a weird flippity-floppity way, I didn't have any urge tonight to have my requisite "one last meal", like a convicted criminal on her way to the chamber.  In fact, I dove right into the dietician-approved sugar-free applesauce for my evening snack.  Weird.  I'm guessing I'll be cursing that choice to the heavens by day 2, and wishing I had traded the pouch of applesauce for a double big mac while I could have...

I guess I'm approaching this at a bit of a different angle than the usual Joe.  After all, I've gone without eating or drinking for 6 weeks (funny what a critical illness like pancreatitis can do to your body).  During the 6 weeks of IV fluids only (because I could not even keep water down), I had no pangs for anything - but I'm assuming that was because my stomache was so ill.  It took over 5 years for me to incorporate some food items back to my stomache (like red meat), so I know what it is like to go without something.

On this journey so far I've met a bunch of people who are also considering surgery, and one of the most common refrains that I hear is people lamenting the loss of X, Y, or Z from their daily intake.  For example, some people are addicted to a certain kind of food (like chocolate) or drink (like diet pop).  I honestly don't believe that to be the case for me personally, but I guess I'll soon find out.

Thankfully, I gave up using sugar years ago and switched to splenda (or similar products).  I also love to drink water.  And even though I used to drink enough Tim Horton's coffees to keep one of their stores open year-round, I recently gave up my daily 3 to 5 XL triple cream, triple sweetener coffees.  And I'm doing great!  Even better, I've lost the compulsion to roll up that godforsaken rim to see what I didn't win hahaha!

I'm actually looking forward to all of this, because it means that I'm at least doing something other than the usual - which obviously wasn't working all that well!
It's only another challenge, and let's face it, most "larger" people face challenges every single day.

Full fluids for 2 weeks?  Bring it on.